Crunchy Tiger, Hidden Mansion

The narrow path to a door without a number was poorly lit and partly blocked by wheelie bins and pallets. I knocked on the painted wood and waited. I could only hear a sniffling sound my nose was making because of the cold. "Excuse me, is it 7547697 Bumfuzzle Road?" I asked after hearing a commotion behind the door. "It's on the other side", said a muffled voice. I went back to the street, looked around and noticed a hidden path to a house between hedges. The gate creaked as I opened it, and the way was lit as I stepped closer to the door. Not planning to waste more time, I pressed both doorbells on the wall and used a knocker. I saw the light behind a glass panel on the door, and then the door opened. Behind it stood an older man hiding his face.

"Right till the end", he pointed to a door on the opposite side of the corridor. "Shoes off?" I asked, then removed them anyway. "What's this?" the man picked up my trainers and started inspecting them like they were the last couple belonging to a species extinct long ago. We entered a cosy room, decorated with warm colours. I was looking for an opportunity to reclaim my shoes, but the older man seemed still dazzled by the sight of them. "Those are my shoes. Can I have them back?" I asked. The man, still astonished, put my footwear on the floor. When I promptly grabbed them and put them on, he burst into laughter. He dug out a pair of slippers from behind the sofa, but there were no takers. I sat down and got to the business.

I could see my host's peaceful face now. It must have been Mr A, a 100-year-old master who would walk me through the Trial of Patience tonight.

"Is your car outside?" Master A asked. That was exactly what Mission Control warned me about. I explained that I don't have transport and how GoodGym works. I threw in bonus information that I am not from Social Services. Mr A produced a long shopping list. "It would be best if you could go to your people and arrange a delivery. I can wait till tomorrow". "My people don't arrange deliveries. There is only me, and only for tonight.", I said, "I can get you whatever is the most important on your list. Let's have a look". Mr A laughed in my face. He would do that several times that day. Along with chuckling and cryptic speech, he was giving a perfect impression of Yoda. I felt like Luke Skywalker who just landed on Dagobah in The Empire Strikes Back.

"It's impossible!" Master A snorted each time I proposed I would do his shopping on foot and do my best. "Look, it's not all or nothing", I tried to convince him, "I can buy most of the things from your list, just in smaller quantities. That will get you going for several days. What is it that you would like the most?". Mr A hesitated for a while. "It is the bread that I am after", he said, "I would really like some nice sliced loaf from Morrisons bakery. And the tiger loaf, a large one". Now we were getting somewhere. The Master stopped questioning my ability to control the force and remarking that Morrisons was too far away. We created a new list of his essentials. It took a while to get through the process and collect the cash from Mr A - although he knew rather precisely how much the groceries would cost.

The run to Morrisons, the shopping, and the walk back felt somewhat unexciting compared to the negotiations with Master A. I knew the supermarket's outline, so there were no problems finding the bread, chopped tomatoes, bananas, cabbage, instant potatoes, sausages and a 6-pint bottle of whole milk. Only the four steak pies that Mr A preferred hot had to be replaced with the ones from the chilled section - it was too late in the day to get the freshly baked ones.

When I entered the Master's house again to complete my trial, I didn't even think about taking my shoes off. I triumphantly walked through the door with all the shopping bags in one hand to non-verbally express the statement: "I told you I could carry this and more". I took each thing from the bag and demonstrated its qualities to Mr A like a seasoned salesman. He was entranced! "That's amazing! Good girl!" he kept exclaiming. "Get yourself cosy. I'll make you a coffee, and you can stay the night", he said. "I'm afraid it's a bit late for a coffee", I replied, "But thank you for the offer".

My final trial of the night was just about the happen. "Take this", Mr A said, trying to shove a fiver in my hand, "For Christmas. Buy yourself a coffee. Or Christmas cards!". "Thank you, but I have already sent them", I lied. Mr A insisted and blocked my way out. "I really cannot accept it. I am a volunteer. It was a pleasure to help you today".

The stand-off turned into an intense force duel. None of us wanted to back off or get physical. We combated, exchanging pleasantries and arguments against the other side's stance. We locked our gazes in the infinite epic battle. We fought in our minds, swinging our ancient weapons, and dodging each other's attacks with finesse and skill. We ran out of the house on the street and jumped on the roofs. We hopped between the rooftops all the way to Chiswick. Mr A took a leap and flew over the Thames. I sprung up and followed him. The sun just rose over the horizon, and I spotted the gap in the Master's defence. I summoned a whirlwind, and we swapped positions. The sun shone right in Mr A's eyes. I made a movement with my hand to launch a concentrated force attack without touching my opponent. When the force wave reached him, he immediately plunged into the cold waters of the Thames.

Back in the cosy room, I moved forward with an amicable yet self-assured look on my face. The Master capitulated.

"Are you going to be my carer?" Mr A asked suddenly with pleading eyes. "No", I answered. "I am going to miss you", he said. "Maybe I will come again if you need your shopping in the future. It was lovely to meet you. Happy Christmas", I replied. I let myself out of Mr A's house. I was the Master now, and I could run back all the way to Morrisons and do my own shopping.